Part 44: The Power of Pink

Part 44: The Power of Pink



This is the thickest armor I can possibly make. It’s got power-assist servos in it to help it move around, and its built-in respirator will make you immune to strangulation by seekers, poisoning by Thin Men and smoke inhalation from small fires.
Holy shit, that’s everything I ever wanted in one complete package!
No grappling hook, though, and you won’t be able to duck out of the way as well.
Damn.
I’m working on an enhanced version of the Skeleton Armor that will have most of the positive features of the Titan Armor plus extras.



It’s finished! Hahahaha!



I think we just evened the playing field.
Provided we equip it with proper weaponry, this will have no problem catching up to any UFO out there.



Ha! I told you moms were psychic!
Unfortunately, you suffered some nerve damage from that one time you were nearly killed… your psychic abilities won’t necessarily be as strong as Cam’s or Annette’s.
Hey, beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll take what I can get.



That’s it, folks! We have TOTAL COVERAGE! The aliens will have to really struggle to kidnap any human beings from now on. Of course, this means we won’t be getting any more “incentives” for abductions, but we’ll be doing just fine with our current recruits, income, and support staff.
Unless some of our top soldiers start dying off, we probably won’t need too many new recruits after the Furies joined us.



So on top of being terrorists, EXALT are horrifying white supremacists. Ugh. Which reminds me, you’re really lucky Latisha never gave you any shit over the new DNA, unlike Eva’s family.
Yeah, Mom’s pretty cool like that. Not everyone would be so accepting of their kid being a gender-fluid trans-body super-mutant. Besides, I’ve got psychic powers now! I’ll probably grow in power until I become an energy being and then it really won’t matter whose DNA I’ve got, hahahaha.
Yeah, yeah. Rub it in. What am I thinking of, Psilord?
Uh… something about… “pink?” Oh, you’re picking out a wedding outfit.
Hee hee hee hee. Something like that.



Shen dropped another bomb on me. Okay, so not only are our eggs preserved in case either of us want children some day, but with a little meld I could even combine my DNA with Monique’s so we could have a baby. She’d carry it, and uh… wow.
It’s good to have options! But you needn’t rush into anything.
I know, I know, it’s just… wow. What a world that kid would be born into.



Hmm. The DNA would be from the new Bar-Lev, so dark skin, spiky red hair… mixed with Monique’s genes… no Y chromosome so it’d definitely be a girl… mixed with Leroy’s blue hair it might mean purple hair… so she’d grow up to look like Eva!
Eva totally rocks that look. You have a problem with that?
But what if this means Eva is secretly their daughter from THE FUTURE sent back in time to help us?!
Pfft. My adopted little sister is probably not from the future. Probably. Although… at this point in our crazy lives it would be pretty stupid of me to rule that out…



One of the problems facing us is the lack of available weapon fragments and other useful materials from shot-down craft. This new weapon for our craft will solve that problem by minimizing the amount of collateral damage to the craft and its inhabitants. The downside is that there will be more alien survivors in the crash, but the upside is more intact weapons or weapon fragments.
Expensive weapon, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it.



And… oh, no! Sabotage! They copied and wiped some of the data from our servers!
Ahh, HELL! EXALT! Those fuckers… I knew we needed to sweep more.
We didn’t lose as much data as we could have. Still…
Grrrgh… send out Zinchenko with permission to blow as many of those fuckers away as he can!

***** TIME PASSES *****



That was the most boring week ever. NOTHING HAPPENED!
At least Zinchenko’s ready for us.
What, today? NOW?
Problem, officer?
…ah, what the hell. Commander, request Operation Duo!
…huh. Okay. Sure!
What’s Operation Duo?



Wait, why are Hilda and I in white? Why’s everyone else in pink? What’s going on—
Cam, marry me.
*choke* *sputter* Right NOW!?
Yes, right now! We don’t know what’ll happen on the mission. Someone could die. I’m not waiting one minute longer than necessary.
I’m your best friend, Cam, so I’ll be your best woman!
I’m here to give away my daughter.
And I’m here to give away mine!
I’m the maid of honor!
Cam, we never know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe fortune, maybe disaster. Maybe we won’t even have the same faces in 24 hours. But I want to be with you through it all. Do you want the same from me?
Uh… sure! Yes! Absolutely! I do!




Then, by the power vested in me, you two are officially married. Congratulations. Your MREs have been replaced with small rectangles of cake. Enjoy your flight!
My head is still spinning… I’m married? Really? Wooooowwww.
Ha ha ha. I warned you, Cam. You never know when a Van Doorn will strike.



Mmf! This cake is delicious!
This is what you were planning all along, weren’t you? All that stuff you were whispering about to my mom and Leroy.
I was gonna wait for a lull between missions, but yeah, heh. Like HELL I was gonna let Leroy beat me to the altar.
Eeee. If Hilda’s my sister now then that means we’re sisters-in-law, Cam!
One big, happy, mutated family. For as long as it lasts, and I hope it’ll last quite a while…
Only thing we’re missing is a flower girl. We can let Zinchenko be that, haha.



Okay, okay. Time to get serious. Shooting bad guys. Saving the world. EASY stuff.
Aaaah, you’ll be fine, kid. Trust me.



Some sort of giant docks warehouse with boats on either side of the pier… Zin, you there?



I’m here, my friend! Ahahaaha. I see Queen implemented Operation Duo. Congratulations!
How many of you assholes knew about this and didn’t tell me? I— never mind! The mission. Zin, why is everything on fire near you?
I blew up a tank with HAND GRENADES! Very Solid Snake, eh? Ha! But I need to secure two data packets and one small container of biomaterial hidden inside the comm relays.
Right. Everyone get ready to clear Zin a path. Hilda, use your super-jump to leap to the top of the warehouse, everyone else stack up on the sides. I’m turning invisible and opening up the warehouse door.



Whoah! Yeah. Two enemy squads on either side! I’ve got a clear shot on one of ‘em.



Or maybe I don’t! FUUUUUCK!
Newlywed jitters, eh?
SHUT UP!



What the fuck? They’re here?!
Why the hell are they all wearing girly pink armor? Is this some new form of psychological torture?
Who cares!



WE care! Leroy worked very hard to make our armor as pretty as possible!
Yeah, since you guys all wear pin-striped pants and suspenders you’re in no position to criticize us.



Gaiiigh!
This is the most beautiful day of my life and I will NOT let you ruin it!



Damn straight, Evie!



Blaugh!



The guys on the right are coming, heads up.
The hell is going on here? XCOM somehow got even girlier than before.



Are you laughing at my pink gun, boy?
Sure am! Ha!



Well, have fun hitting the pink girls when we’re in the middle of pink smoke! Ha!
Shit! Tactical girliness!



I can’t hit anything! Too much pink!



OWWW!
Dad!
I’m fine! Shit. BIG hole in the Titan Armor, though.



Hiding behind high cover, huh? I’m gonna Zinchenko you out of there!
Wait! AAAAAAH!



He’s exposed, get ‘im!



R-right!



Okay! The left side of the warehouse is clear. Zinchenko, get over here and get to the comm relay on the roof!
Yes sir, General!



Woof, it is a good thing I know how to climb pipes! Ha!



Can’t see shit over there, he’s covered in smoke. I’ll try to flush him out!



Counter-sniping the boat sniper!



BOOM! Never laugh at the power of love!



And I’m finishing off the guy Latisha flushed!



Gaugh!
Damn. You are cleaning house tonight.



Shit! I’m outta here! These ladies are crazy!
Surprise, asshole!
You were invisible and waiting for me? AWW FUCK!



Aigh! OWW!
Ha! If I’m going to hell I’m taking you with me!
Like hell you are.



Today has been full of mind-blowing events for me. Mind as well blow your mind too!
OWWWWW!



Wedding party, huh? Well, every party needs a pooper!
Heh. I know you’re still up here somewhere, Queen. Your stink is all over this roof.
(Hell! I can’t take them both out!)



Don’t worry! I got your back!



You’re clear, hon, finish the other guy!



Got him!



Two more! I’m shooting!



Rraaaaaaaaa!
What the FUCK is going on down here?
We’re under attack by bridesmaids!!!
*snort* What, really? Haha.



AUGH!
Never laugh at love, buster. Zin, you clear yet?
Not yet!



My enhanced nose smells cake! Who’s got cake? Can I have some?
NO!



Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It’s a SHOTGUN wedding!



Hey, cool! I can use my brain powers to KILL now.



Zinchenko’s free and the package is secure. Everyone, enjoy your flight home.
I hope you saved some cake for me, my friends.
Sure we did!



It’s funny. I don’t actually feel any different now that I’m married.
Good! That means being in love is a natural state for you. Your relationship will be a healthy one. Mmm, this IS good cake.
Think I ate too much. I’m gonna hurl…



I don’t feel so good either…
Me too…
HURK! Blauuuugh!
Owwwwww…
Holy shit! Are you ladies okay? What’s the matter?



Commander, everyone but me and Zinchenko are falling-down sick! Even Cam!
Zinchenko, what was in the package?
A sealed biological sample… at least, it was supposed to be sealed. Oh, no…



Commander, incoming message from Exalt’s Director!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I hope you enjoy your prize, fools. It’s an alien disease. We call it “meld flu.” Everyone enhanced with alien genetics will be sick as dogs. All your prize soldiers are now worthless! YEE HEE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Well, fuck.
Bleeeauuuuggggrrrrrr…

To Be Continued!